We know so many things about life. When we are born, we know that cry makes our mum come to us. We know that if there is nobody, we need to shout.  We know that that mum’s skin is very soft and that dad has very strong arms.

When we are around three, we are able to communicate what we know. „Mum, I need to the toilet”, you say loudly in the supermarket. „Mum, why is this lady so fat?”, you ask in the queue at the doctor’s. “Dad,WHERE IS MUM?”. Asked about your age by granny you are ready to shout the answer “TREE!”. We know so many things about life.

We know that in the morning there is no time to watch cartoons. We know that if we are lucky, there is a good toy in the red corner of kindergarten’s room. We know that after 11 there is a nice lady that brings an apple with banana juice. We know that if we want to get a cookie, we need to finish a writing exercise. We know so many things about life.

“Where is my doll?”, you look for it for a long time and you cannot find it. “Mum!!!”
Mum is actually busy, talks on phone but tries to help you, answers “Search in dog basket!”.We know so many things about life. We know  that  golden retriever dog likes your doll and that it is better not to leave it on the floor.

You like the taste of broccoli, the smell of yellow shampoo with the duck on it, you like granny that comes to you in the morning when your parents are at work and the  moment of 7 pm as there is a „Goodnight show” on TV. How much you love me, asks grandpa, give me a kiss, he adds and you already know that he has a big belly and that his beard giggles your face.  You know so many things about life.


When you shout and Mum is not coming, you don’t know what’s gone wrong. When you vomit after banana juice, you don’t know what’s gone wrong. When you finish that writing exercise and there is no cookie, you don’t know what’s gone wrong. When your dad doesn’t want to take you in the arms, you don’t know what’s gone wrong.

– „Mum, what’s gone wrong?”, you ask.

-„Nothing, honey, you are too heavy to be carried”, she answers,
The Mum Who Knows Everything.

You already know that there are two realities, Before and After.


You know so many things about life.

When you get up with pain in throat and there is a cartoon in the morning, you know it is After. When you go to the corner of kindergarten and there are no dolls, you know it is After. When you wake up in the morning and  your grandparents are not with you anymore, you know it is After.

-„Mum, but are they going to be back?”, you ask frightened.

-„Yes, some day, darling” , she says.

-„But why do I feel sad, Mum?” ,, you are not convinced at sll.

-„It is called Change, honey” she says “Now everything has changed”, she adds.

You know that Change exists.


You know so many things about life. You know that you like that boy with smiling eyes, you know that he likes your jokes. You know that you should smile and you know that he is nervous. You know that his favourite taste of ice cream is chocolate and his best friend moved to countryside.

 When he tells you about his passions, you know it is After. When that  boy with smiling eyes helps you with Maths voluntarily, you know it is After. You know it is After as you choose a  dress for an ice cream walk instead of common pair of jeans. You know so many things about life.

When he kisses you for the first time, you already know

You

already

know

It it called Change.

When  he leaves your room without a word and there are no more smiling eyes, you don’t know what’s gone wrong.
Something has gone wrong.
You know that he is not going to be back.

You know so many things about life.

Do you?


“Nothing can ever happen twice.
In consequence, the sorry fact is
that we arrive here improvised
and leave without the chance to practice.”

W. Szymborska,  Nothing twice


Zuzia

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